Dealing with my mother

Before I even got engaged I knew exactly what I wanted to do for my wedding day. I had it all planned out. I even knew who the wedding party was going to be and asked them the night I got engaged.

I informed my parents that I was hoping to do something simple and relatively small, in my childhood home's backyard. My dad was thrilled. He thought it was great because much of the decoration cost for the wedding would actually go toward permanent beautification of his property.

However, my mother went psycho. She first explained that you had to consider rain for an October wedding. I pointed out that there was no month in which rain was a total impossibility. She said we'd need a $25,000 tent and we'd have to lay astroturf in case of rain. Astroturf??? Are you kidding me???

Then there are the horses in my neighbors front yard. What was I planning to do to block the view of the horses? Where are people going to use the bathroom? Where are people going to park? Where is the wedding party going to walk in from? How can I cater a reception that is at the same location as the ceremony? Am I planning to replant the entire yard with fall flowers? She was totally ballistic. I almost started to cry.

My mother has been warming up to the idea of having it at her house over the last few weeks, but of course everyone is siding with her that it would be better to have the wedding at some third party venue. She tried to get me to do Reflections in Lexington. Their ceiling looks like the ceiling at my office and the pond is green. Then she wanted me to do Riverbanks. I love the gardens and the terrace, but I've been unimpressed by what I've heard about their catering and their indoor space is a little awkward. She's trying to get me to look at this old building with a garden that supposedly looks like a New England chapel. It sounds nice, but she doesn't think they have a liquor license, which is pretty much going to be an impossibility for me.

We got on the topic of beer the other day. She said, well, you should have Miller Light and Michelob Ultra so everyone will be happy. Um, what is she thinking? I said, if we're only doing two beers we'll have to do a light and a regular because not everyone drinks light. I tried to make the analogy of going to a party and all they have is diet coke and diet dr. pepper. She said, what do you mean...your dad drinks Ultra and Anthony drinks Miller light. Did my mom forget that my future husband might want a beer at his wedding? One that perhaps is not light? So I suggested we do kegs instead and get three: one each with Anthony and Dad's beer, and a Shiner keg. Well, unbeknownest to me, kegs are totally without class. Because it's much classier to hold a beer bottle in a wedding dress. I guess it doesn't matter though since my mom thinks I should spend between $200 and $500 for a wedding dress.

UGH!!! I'M NEVER GOING TO GET WHAT I WANT!!!